This is another letter that i shall never send to you.
Today i feel shit. Nothing actually bad happened, but my mood is frozen somewhere below zero and not going to rise.
I am getting drunk. Alone. Quite successfull, although there are a few sober parts in my mind..and i am not sure who is writing these words now: a sober part or an absolutely drunk.
The world seems to be happy today. I saw a little skiing girl, one of her ski poles was green, other one- yellow. I saw a kissing couple. I saw a tiny dog who was running around my feet going to play and barking from happiness. I saw a woman in a huge fur coat who carried a cake and smiled because sun shone right into her eyes. I saw a man in a shop who was choosing a red paper heart, as if it was a car. I saw the snow that doesnt melt yet, but it feels that spring has already waked up, brushed her teeth and getting ready to go...
Everyone feels love today. Except me and other losers.
I saw a poster in a shop: a man hugs a baby and rubs his nose against the baby's one. I thought about you all day long, but that moment i realised one thing especially clear. Everything good in your life was not linked with me. It was not me who you shared with all important moments., your plans and hopes, your achievements and faults. It was not me who was the reason of your smiles and worries. I did not ever stand next to you and didnt hold your hand. No matter who am i for you now- i always will be number two. Number two for a person, who i love the most.
I bought a wine and got drunk.
Happy St.Valentines day, darling.